So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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