you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize