that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
