I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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