Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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