He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
