Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
