I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize