When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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