wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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