were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
