I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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