Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
