Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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