somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
