Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
