ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize