what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
