it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
