How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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