remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
