Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
