Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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