I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize