Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
