I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When did angry sex become our thing?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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