I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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