One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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