Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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