you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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