I feel like abortions should bother me more
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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