She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just had sex on a roof
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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