at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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