apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
