The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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