I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
