1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
