and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
