You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is Oprah even human
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
