At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Two words: blizzard sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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