apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
two words...techno handjob
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
