My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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