the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
