but the lizard people decide everything anyway
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
