did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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