I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
