Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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