i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
