your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
