can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
