If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
