You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So many bounce houses so little time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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