well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
