Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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