i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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