She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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