how can u be prego again
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
